Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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