I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
