Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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