Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
