i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
