alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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