I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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