so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
