Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
