How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
