Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
