I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
