Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Randomize
