you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize