Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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