i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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