I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
