I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
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I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
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Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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