like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
