I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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