I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
