I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
