Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
the raccoons are back...
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