I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
