I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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