Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
