OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
