I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
