Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
