I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
