She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
