I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize