She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.