you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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