My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.