i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.