Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
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He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
