that's an acceptable place to lick
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.