Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
