I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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