Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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