I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
The best revenge is premature balding
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
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