would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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