She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
