This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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