I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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