He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
