Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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