I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
