If i come over, it means nothing
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
