well I can't set my house on fire every night
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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