So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
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The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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