Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
