What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
