My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
