dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Boobs are out for the taking
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
