I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
