careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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