I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
