Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
