I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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