I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
