His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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