am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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