Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
