Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Randomize
