I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
