Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My pussy is not your playground.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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