Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
