well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
