I skipped work to stalk him.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
