I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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