it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
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This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
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Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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