Christians are straight up FREAKS
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
