You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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