Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
