Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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