I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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