They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
